The day I don't matter!!

This is the first time I have posted anything on this blog. This may be the last time I post anything on here, too. I am not opposed to blogging, obviously. Most of the time I just can't think of anything to say. So since this could be the one an only, here we go.

The title of this blog is basically what I am striving for. I have spent the last year in a painful, beautiful, and all around interesting place spiritually (I hate using that word because I don't think life should be compartmentalized in to sacred and secular, but I can't think of a better word). I was thinking about it the other day and the best way I can describe it is like drinking from a fire hose. I feel like God has poured Himself out in my life in some vary astounding ways and I have loved drinking it all in. The scary part of all of this is that some times the water is coming so fast and in such great quantities that it feels like I'm drowning and I don't know how to turn in off. Not to mention the fact, that if I turn it off I don't know if I can turn it back on again.

Through all of this here is what I have come to realize. I use the word I too much. God has been showing me that all of the things that happen in this life are really about Jesus. I think if you asked most people they would say this in principle, but don't truly live life with this view. But if you read the Bible (which is all about Jesus, by the way, and when I say all I truly mean all. Every word in the Old Testament and New Testament are about Jesus) it seems to point to the ultimate reality where Jesus is before all things, in all things, and all things are held together because of Him. That means I breathe today because of Him, I eat today not because I made the food or made the money to buy the food, but because Jesus gives me food to eat. I make money because He gave me a job and gave me the capacity to think and reason. So if all that is true then all of the stuff I do in life isn't about me. Instead, it is about Him and His glory and His renown. 

This truth has brought a heavy and abiding weight to my soul. Mainly because 90% of my day is spent thinking about myself and what is good for me. 9.9% is spent thinking somewhat about other people and their feelings. I may actually squeeze Jesus into about .1% of my day, and those are the good days. But I will continue to fight and continue to struggle. Because Paul said in Galatians that the desires of the Spirit and the desires of the flesh are in complete opposition. He goes on to say that the Spirit can overcome the flesh. It is for that day I long, hope, fight, struggle and persevere. All for the day that I don't matter.